🦋

Being vulnerable is too scary.

There’s a cozy cocoon that only fits one

Waiting for me

If I can walk away from vulnerability

And the yearning that lies within it.

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My heart is not for dragging 

It’s sunny out. 

As I am not especially sad today, 

There is little impetus 

For the written word. 

But to look at suffering, 

I say this,

I have allowed too many strangers 

To find their way into my camp

Familiarize themselves with my altar,

Lay their heads upon it 

And turn my crystals to ash,

My shells to dust, 

My idols to emptiness. 

When they leave, 

And I peer upon the ruins,

I see only the sad remains 

Of failed attempts 

At true love. 

When praying goes wrong, 

And my words fall on deaf ears, 

When the sacred soft animal 

Of my body is desecrated,

I must offer grace.

I must heed the words 

Of that still small voice, 

Which tells me to stand up 

On the porch 

On a sunny day like today 

And give thanks for this life, 

Rather than rage, 

Rather than ruin.

My altar is not for stomping, 

My heart is not for dragging 

Behind you. 

If you will not hold it, 

I will gladly take it and place it once more 

In its right position, 

At the center of me. 

It is very hard looking around and seeing so many people in pain, trapped in their suffering, in maladaptive mentalities, and poor habits. I remember that being me like it was yesterday because in many ways it was. The metaphorical yesterday. Not long ago when my life was in shambles and I had no idea how to put it back together. I see my friends, my lovers suffering and I know there is nothing I can do but beer present. Yet I wish I could save everyone. I wish I could exhume everyone from the muck of their sorrows.