To me this is a matter of unraveling. I have in my life been made a bundle of paradoxes and unconscious impulses. To sift through and untangle them is to unravel my stuckness — to manifest what I feel to be an immense potential at the core of my being; potential for what I do not know. But I know it is there, waiting for me to figure it out — to unravel completely.
Although it is a mystery if I ever actually left.
Begin to make moves in the direction of a strong, well balanced, drama-free artistic, literary, and musical community flourishing by the sheer effort of its members.
Begin to walk away from the energy suckers, the phonies, the manipulators, the emotionally reactive.
Begin to extricate energy from improper circumstances and relationships.
Begin to limit endeavors.
Begin to hone them down.
Begin to focus clearly and consistently on positive feedback loops.
Soul felt lyrics.
Make money simply for the sake of existing and supporting life.
Stop apologizing for being selfish with personal resources.
Break down old structures.
Build up new ones.
Begin where the self already stands.
But like… maybe God sleeps in the nude.
Maybe he only wears pajamas in the daytime.
Maybe Earth was an accident
Like he farted and it knocked over a table and that table started a chain reaction which ended in the creation of Earth.
It’s not entirely impossible.
I just think there’s more to it.
I begin to think something, an inkling of something. Possibility. My potential capacity to actualize aspiration. I feel the edges of my unlived life and quiver at its magnitude. I begin to think I am capable of incredible feats. A life of health, wholeness, joy, and deep commitment. So what stands in my way?
I can feel myself growing with each day.
New opportunities are presenting themselves.
I am leaving behind what distracts me.
And working hard to face what is in front of me.
Breaking out on my own.
Finding a space that is entirely mine.
Setting boundaries with people.
Finding myself within my own field.
Cultivating peace and inner security.
It is my inner strength that is bringing all this to pass.
Taking refuge in the jewel of my own heart
And thriving there.
This is a new world I’m treading in.
A new world of possibilities and satisfaction.
Of needs met and passions pursued.
What starts from within will inevitably make its way out.
And so I am beginning with the blank canvas of my soul,
Forging ahead with a new life.
One grounded in love and care and strength and resilience and fluidity.
And I am excited for the day when finally my dreams come to pass
Somewhere there is a layer of skin I no longer need,
A shell going back to the earth
While I rise
Little by little
Into the heavens.
Porching in peace.
Sun and breezes and leaves
And birds and lawn mowers
And sirens and junkies and parents yelling
And calicos and old men
And synthesizers and clear blue skies.
And I do not care where tomorrow goes
But today I am alive.