Summer’s Passed

A summer had gone by since she’d written in the book, since she’d felt even the smallest glimmer of desire to look at it. From spring to autumn, it sat on the shelf hosting dust mite symposia and nothing else. More than a few of the mites had, in the process, acquired a deeper sense of meaning in their tiny lives just by perching on the cover, gnawing through the title page, while others still found simple contentment floating mindlessly in the sun beams that poured through Anna’s bedroom window.

It was November when circumstance finally pushed her back into the writing chair, when the silent approach of winter hung still in the doorway. Fall had come in a flash, almost without salutation. All at once the leaves yellowed and the skies grew awfully grey.

The day she returned to the book the weather proved rather mild. The wind moved like laughter through the air. And the moon had come out well before curtain call.

By this time, the Quartet had left House du Petit, no doubt in search of warmer climes–more specifically the climes of an invisible Hawaiian island, where, according to Anna, a stale apple pie spoke at length of humanity’s worst mistakes, and the honeybees were as big as your fist.

Meanwhile Anna had returned to the Midwest, hoping to lead some semblance of a normal life. The Shaman saw to it that she wouldn’t–and it was precisely his interference, an ongoing and increasingly vivid campaign of dream transmissions, that prompted her to sit down and finally write once more.

After all, the Book of Pie would not finish itself.

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Muck

Whatever could be said

Of the two of them

Would not include

The true essence

Of their bond,

Nor what tore them apart.

The only way to look back

Was with fondness,

Unabashed remorse,

And a profound, incomprehensible yearning

That swept through them

On nights

When the full moon shivered

And the clouds formed tear drops

In the autumn sky.

All they could do was weep,

Or harden their hearts,

Whatever got them through

The dirty muck

Of separation.

The Nameless Sob

Came home last night and sat on my bed.

Got to thinking about my purpose.

Felt this immense amount of energy begin to move through me.

Up my spine.

Out my head.

I saw the star suspended above me.

It’s inconceivable light pouring down on me.

And in the ensuing silence,

The words, ‘please don’t leave me.’

Rose inside me,

Came to my lips,

From a place deep within.

And I sobbed the nameless sob

Until there was nothing left

But smeared mascara running down my cheeks.

There is a wound in me.

And last night it made itself known. 

My heart is not for dragging 

It’s sunny out. 

As I am not especially sad today, 

There is little impetus 

For the written word. 

But to look at suffering, 

I say this,

I have allowed too many strangers 

To find their way into my camp

Familiarize themselves with my altar,

Lay their heads upon it 

And turn my crystals to ash,

My shells to dust, 

My idols to emptiness. 

When they leave, 

And I peer upon the ruins,

I see only the sad remains 

Of failed attempts 

At true love. 

When praying goes wrong, 

And my words fall on deaf ears, 

When the sacred soft animal 

Of my body is desecrated,

I must offer grace.

I must heed the words 

Of that still small voice, 

Which tells me to stand up 

On the porch 

On a sunny day like today 

And give thanks for this life, 

Rather than rage, 

Rather than ruin.

My altar is not for stomping, 

My heart is not for dragging 

Behind you. 

If you will not hold it, 

I will gladly take it and place it once more 

In its right position, 

At the center of me. 

Finally

Ready to die 

Too heavy to cry 

Aspire for nice wings 

So I can steadily fly. 

Sick of interpretations

Sick of your perfect hatred 

Sick of you workin late and

Feeling like I’ve been taking 

All of this love for granted 

Sick of this fucking planet 

Really I can’t stand it. 

Really I’m just a phantom 

A shadow of a former self 

That wasn’t even whole 

It’s been ten years 

Of me searching for my soul 

At the hands of the unfinished 

hands of the broken 

So I’m alone w a mac, maschine, and a Roland. 

And I dream of just floating 

I think we’re just hopeless 

Drink somethin potent

Hoping you notice 

My self destructive tendencies 

Looking outside for the inside enemy. 

All the things you said to me 

I let it rest in peace 

God descend from the heavenly 

Been on some fucked shit 

Since I was seventeen 

When I told you the truth 

You told me you’d never leave. 

But what a load of crock

Wow I’m so shocked 

Now I need to stop 

Chilling on the block 

Stay workin in my room 

Until I finally get my shot.