The Things In My Control

I cleaned my car out 

For the first time in two years today.

There was a box of spilled granola 

Splayed across the floor mat 

In the backseat. 

There were pictures of my ex, 

And little trinkets collected 

In our time together.

I trashed every bit of it.

I said goodbye to my server’s apron.

I kept the crystal salt lamp 

My aunt gave me 

For Christmas

Or was it Chanukah? 

I drank a bottle of coconut water 

And thought about 

All the things I can control,

And all that I can’t. 

I did not make music 

But I will perform tonight nonetheless. 

Yes, I’m alone

in this body 

in a dark void,

And eventually I’m going to die, 

And everyone will forget about me, 

And nothing I do will ultimately matter 

Very much. 

But at least I can take out the trash. 

At least I can clean my car out,

Wipe away the melted deodorant 

At the bottom of

My glove compartment, 

Toss out the unopened packets 

Of warm mayonnaise 

Above the stereo,

Listen to an actual CD-Rom 

While the stench 

Of yesterday’s refuse wafts 

Through the open door. 

I found seven lighters 

Under the driver’s seat 

And fifteen pens and pencils

Of various color.

I have no idea 

What to do with them 

But at least if all else fails

I can set my car on fire 

And burn love notes

In the ensuing conflagration. 

That much I can control. 

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