To move forward
Out of entanglement
Out of the unconscious
Out of the old wound
Replaying itself
Over and over.
No longer tethering me
To some false conception
Of you,
Of sameness or fate.
Turning inward
Tuning into the distortion
The reverb
The filters
The clatter of noise
The reversal of tones
The destruction
Of calm.
The rattling of bone
The immolation of spirit.
A true reckoning
With chaos.
Leaving behind
Those who do not see
Nor cherish
Nor allow.
Loving without any sort of shackle.
Letting without any sort of need.
Communing where possible.
Relinquishing fixation
To fix what is broken,
To wrap myself
In the shreds
Of your disasters
And piece them back together
Over my own face.
I can feel something
In my chest plate
Beating
Beating
Beating
Me alive
You away
Us to death.
I need nothing
But the bed of good family
The love of good friends
The touch of my god
My own reserves
My own action
My own voice
Twisted with anger
Burning with rage
Trembling with fear
And truth
Teetering on the edge
Of a different person
A different life
A different light.
Goodbye, Father.
You never loved me anyways.
Goodbye, Ashes.
You ruined the floor.
Goodbye, Brother.
You only dug the knife in.
Goodbye, Twin.
Your mother had a different name.
A separate earth.
A desert wind.
A distant soul.
A different soul,
If there is such a thing at all.
We are not tethered.
Not by forces cosmic or mythic.
Not at all in the way we might think.
Not at all in the way I might dream.
Sometimes love is only possible from afar,
We are only humans
On a rock by a star
In a void
Trying not to scrape our knees
One too many times.
Lord knows we’ve got enough scars anyway.
Lord knows
Far more than me.
So,
To move forward
What’s needed is creation.
What’s needed is forgiveness.
The mending of the inevitable
The acceptance of uncertainty
The renewal of body
The renewal of spirit
And let me say,
Amen.
