My Release.

To move forward 

Out of entanglement 

Out of the unconscious 

Out of the old wound 

Replaying itself 

Over and over.

No longer tethering me 

To some false conception 

Of you,

Of sameness or fate.

Turning inward 

Tuning into the distortion 

The reverb 

The filters

The clatter of noise 

The reversal of tones 

The destruction 

Of calm. 

The rattling of bone 

The immolation of spirit. 

A true reckoning 

With chaos.

Leaving behind 

Those who do not see 

Nor cherish 

Nor allow.

Loving without any sort of shackle. 

Letting without any sort of need. 

Communing where possible. 

Relinquishing fixation 

To fix what is broken, 

To wrap myself 

In the shreds 

Of your disasters

And piece them back together 

Over my own face. 

I can feel something 

In my chest plate 

Beating 

Beating 

Beating 

Me alive

You away

Us to death.

I need nothing 

But the bed of good family 

The love of good friends 

The touch of my god

My own reserves

My own action 

My own voice 

Twisted with anger 

Burning with rage 

Trembling with fear 

And truth

Teetering on the edge 

Of a different person 

A different life 

A different light. 

Goodbye, Father. 

You never loved me anyways.

Goodbye, Ashes. 

You ruined the floor.

Goodbye, Brother.

You only dug the knife in.

Goodbye, Twin. 

Your mother had a different name.

A separate earth. 

A desert wind.

A distant soul. 

A different soul, 

If there is such a thing at all. 

We are not tethered.

Not by forces cosmic or mythic. 

Not at all in the way we might think.

Not at all in the way I might dream.

Sometimes love is only possible from afar, 

We are only humans 

On a rock by a star

In a void 

Trying not to scrape our knees 

One too many times.

Lord knows we’ve got enough scars anyway. 

Lord knows 

Far more than me. 

So, 

To move forward 

What’s needed is creation. 

What’s needed is forgiveness. 

The mending of the inevitable 

The acceptance of uncertainty 

The renewal of body 

The renewal of spirit 

And let me say, 

Amen.

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