Thoughts on Expectation

It is difficult to divorce myself from the expectation of outcome. Even as I write this I wonder, how many views will it get? Will anyone read it? Does it matter that I am writing it at all? How easy it is for me to slip into a nihilistic void with my art! Down the spiral, I begin to say nothing matters; that writing serves no purpose at all; that in the end, death comes to find us; and our accomplishments are weighed back to zero. So what is the point? I hope my work touches someone; but will it do so in a meaningful way? Will there be some larger meaning behind my work? Some larger reason for persisting with it? Or should I get up from this chair right now and slip into the river naked and ready to drown?


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